From 22nd June this year, I will be a pri school chi teacher.
I finally received my letter from moe and i will be on the waiting list to get to nie. before that, while waiting, i will be posted to some pri schs and start my teaching life.
I keep asking myself this: Why was i the only one out of my frens posted to primary school?
I have never heard about things like this in my life. It was, and it is a fact that degree holders generally get posted to sec schs. But why am i posted to pri schs? I am constantly reminding myself not to doubt my capabilities, but inevitably do so. No matter wat, pri sch and sec sch teachers get the same pay, and most ppl would have opted to go to a pri sch. For me, i have never imagined myself to be a pri sch teacher. But anw, now i do not have to debate difficult language issues with the students anymore, and I have a chance to work not with teenagers, but children.
Do i have the patience for children? I thought I didnt have. But still, i seemed to relate better with Sath, Yas (my pri sch tutees), den Re and Raud (my sec sch tutees). Maybe i need sometime to readjust my thinkings. But still, cheers to me, I have settled myself with a job and i will be working from June.
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I believe i can never be "Daddy's Little Girl".
I have never been in good terms with dad, ever since i realised how his temperament can be so drastic, and how unreasonable he can be.
It's not that he has never showered me with love like how a father should give his daughter, but I just felt that with his temper, our family can inevitably suffer quarrellings. I shall say that without having much "contact" with him, we can stay peaceful. He's just like fire, and I'm just like water.
In the family, I grew to learn that the living room is a place where I do not wish to stay for long. Cos bad things happen.
We always ended up quarreling, or i get scolded or nagged.
Part of the reason for not wanting to watch TV is because the tv is in the living room. I'd prefer to hide myself in my room and just avoid direct contacts with them at all cost.
Maybe i am childish, maybe as a daughter, what i am doing was very impolite.
But i can never get myself to speak, as voicing your opinions in the house is just like spraying oil on fire. You never know when it can explode.
In this family, because of my dad, we can never realli be ourselves. I'd call my house the castle, and my dad the king. Disobey his orders or wishes, we will get to suffer. and mom never helps, though dad listens to her. She loves him more than anything in the world, and no matter what we have NOT done wrong, for the sake of harmony in the family, we have to apologise to dad.
I was brought up to know that monarchy rules in the family, and what you really felt, is never to be said.
I'm getting sick of seeing mom crying, and saying how she failed being a mother.
I'm sick of adults saying all the rules that fit their logic but never the whole situation.
I'm sick of stating my feelings and thoughts.
I shall learn to adopt silence.